Post It Boasts

I’ve spent a painful amount of time on the computer lately. Between writing, researching and slashing (editing), my eyes bled Times New Roman. Like a good procrastinator, I routinely popped over to Facebook and Twitter, because, let’s face it, if you crave a cerebral vacation social media is the go-to spot for flushable destinations.

During my travels to the online cyber wasteland, I noticed a pattern. There are five distinct types of posters, pro and con. We all move in and out of these categories, although some seem to lean more toward the con side. I share, because I care. :-)

Pro-Poster

  1. The Alerter: IF you do your homework, IF the information is from a credible source, then share the Amber alerts, school closings, emergency weather updates. This is social media’s greatest asset.
  2. The Petster: Everyone loves a singing puppy, dancing kitten or hamster in a tuxedo. If you don’t – I block you.
  3. The Jester: The world is wounded – humor heals.
  4. The Bragger: Yes, we hate perfect people with perfect kids on perfect vacations, but here’s the thing, a wise bragger boasts about the good AND the humiliating. If your child makes honor roll, brag, they earned it, just make sure the epic church-burp that earned little Bobby the scowl-of-shame from the choirmaster gets a post too. To brag is human, to laugh, divine.
  5. The Helper: Different from the Alerter, the Helper shares sales, discounts and cost saving info in this time of economic ugliness. Shoe coupons especially welcome.

Con-Poster:

  1. The Bandwagoner: Jumps on every scandal, missing pet, recipe and charitable cause with gusto before fact checking.  The Bandwagoners are good people, but often ill-informed. Spreading misinformation isn’t criminal, but it diminishes your intelligence. Save face, post dirty jokes.
  2. The Self-Liker: Never like your own post, it’s needy. Have some pride.
  3. The Evasive Ed/Edwina: Ah yes, one of my favorites. It’s the “Some people blah, blah, blah.” I might be the minority here, but give me a good face-to-face, informed debate over evasiveness any day.
  4. The Pleader: I’m sooo guilty here.  “Please buy XYZ for my kid’s sports team!” Beware of over-pleading; you’ll be stuck with a dozen boxes of peanut clusters and a world of digestive hurt.
  5. The TMI: If I need a shower, disinfectant or therapy after reading your post, I block you. Before sharing, ask yourself one question: Do I want the world to know about my rash/bowel obstruction/wild night with George Clooney? (OK, share that last one.)