Night of the Living Dread

Typically, I like party stores; they’re festive, fun, and geared toward celebrations, but last night I wept by the piñatas for a group of young girls giggling in the changing rooms. The coven of Taylor Swift wannabe’s were on the costume hunt for an eighth grade Halloween dance. Eighth grade, that’s 13! Here’s a snippet:

“It’s kind of tight.”

“No, it’s supposed to be tight.”

“Is it too slutty?”

“Slutty is good!”

I peeked around the corner – hooker nurse.

Oh, you can call it sexy nurse if it makes you feel better, but I call em’ as I see em.’ A hooker is a hooker is a hooker.

You know the costumes I’m talking about, the gems designed to portray nurses, police officers, even pirates as annual prostitutes. Please understand I take absolutely no offense marketing the costumes to ADULTS. Hey, what you do in the privacy of your own home – go for it! (Halloween 1995 + Cat Woman = 18-year-old son. You do the math.) These costumes, however, hung in the CHILDREN’S section.slutty pirate

I grabbed the nearest Freddy Krueger machete and tracked down the manager. His response to my concern: “It’s Halloween, nobody really cares. It’s all in good fun.”

After the urge to bludgeon him  subsided, I got to thinking. What if we market a line of costumes for girls with professionally authentic themes? Wonder how fast they would fly off the shelves?

Back me up nurse-friends; you feel alluring after a 12-hour shift, right? Doesn’t the spattering of projectile bodily fluid and sweat stains scream party hearty? Or how about my law enforcement buddies, I bet Kevlar vests and riot gear are far sexier than running down drug dealers in stiletto boots and a leather bustier. Sorry pirates, I got nuthin’, but I’m sure scurvy is a barrel-of-chuckles during hurricane season.

Full disclosure, I have sons; raising a teen girl in today’s insane world isn’t my area of expertise, however, I remember fierce need to fit in during those awkward years and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. And hey, there’s a great costume idea, instead of a hooker, dress as your worst enemy!

Does anyone know where I can buy a cellulite costume?

 

 

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