Ahhhh, Thanksgiving, my favorite calorically indulgent holiday. A time of pies, cheese plates, and the I’ll-just-have-a-little-taste lie we tell ourselves before a rocketing Levi’s button blinds grandma.
Like many, I’m annoying followers with gratuitous Tweets and Facebook ‘thankful’ posts. It’s a nice idea, and yeah, the Big Guy dealt me a good hand, but be honest, most of those lists lack authenticity, that gritty, honest-to-gravy truth no one talks about – but everyone knows.
This week I’m challenging the 140 character cyber appreciation confessionals with an uncensored look at the gratitude underbelly, a Chris Hansen type exclusive, (minus the pervs), of thankful myths and truthful realities. Names withheld for fear of retaliation, here’s 10 actual posts and my spin on their truthful translation.
10. I’m thankful for Pumpkin Spice coffee!
Liar! You’re thankful Hubby picked up your favorite brew after botching the anniversary. You won’t kill him, today.
9. I’m thankful for our beautiful new puppy! #QTPie #gothimtoday
Give it a week. You’ll be thankful for crates, cookies, and a pooch open to bribes.
8. I’m thankful for our newly elected officials! #vote
There’s thankful, and there’s delusional. Get psychological help.
7. I’m thankful for Football! #NYGIANTS
6. I’m thankful ALL my relatives will be in town for Thanksgiving week this year!
Oh, honey. Be thankful girlfriends know how to fake a book club at Chili’s and escape to Margaritaville.
5. I’m thankful for kiddos who sneak into bed with M&D in the morning. #snuggles
Be thankful the master bedroom door locks.
4. I’m thankful for warm socks. #coldoutthere
Really, that’s all you’ve got? I’m thankful for pudding but it’s not breaking news.
3. I’m thankful for the beautiful colors of autumn. #leaves
2. I’m thankful to be huntin’ my own bird this year. #yeahbuddy
You’re huntin’ frozen Butterballs in Stop &Shop wearing chinos and wingtips. #FessUpFibber
1. I’m thankful for my great parents.
You want a car for Christmas.
*Apologies for the 2 week blog absence, I was laptop-less.