I know this will come as a shock, but I’m not patient. (Roaring laughter ensues.) That said there are times I squash my inner-urgency and adopt a calm, tempered approach to life. It’s hell.
My poor husband; his bodily safety often relies on a rusty college fastball and the ability to throw cheese products at me before bloodshed; living with me is no cakewalk. (Cake typically trails the cheese.)
Professionally, I tend to reign in my tolerance-temper, case in point the long wait for Adding Lib’s debut. I liken the process to a three-year pregnancy complete with cantaloupe hemorrhoids and truck-tire ankles. Never let it be said my writing lacks visual interest.
What am I doing to pass the achingly slow wait for publication? Well, writing of course, but there are times my muse is a fickle trollop on lazy sabbatical. Oddly, I feel compelled to lie about these creative dry spells to friends and family, as if slug-time is a mortal sin. Yes, Catholic guilt runs subterranean, but God and I have an understanding regarding the pesky Thou Shalt Not Lie thing. I agree to offset my fibs with volunteer work, he agrees to keep a lid on the locust pot – everybody wins.
I’m a mom, not a magician. Typical chores and bores eat up most the day; make money, wash dishes, keep the kids alive, blah, blah blah, thus when a morsel of me-time surfaces I grab it faster than a Kate Spade on clearance. Most times the morsel leads to writing, but sometimes the creative stew needs to simmer before the words bubble up. Instead of filling the pot with more commotion during the literary lull, I use writing as a harmless scapegoat for my absence at certain events.
Lie: “That sounds like a great <tedious fundraiser>, but I should really finish this chapter.”
Truth: Netflix binge.
Lie: “I’d love to go to Zumba, but I’m up to my eyeballs in editing.”
Truth: Ben & Jerry threesome with a flannel chaser.
Lie: “Oh, a <mystery kitchen item> party. Darn, I’m researching historical footwear.”
Truth: Zappos half-price sale.
Lie: “I’d love to go to the Yankee game on Saturday, honey. But I’m behind on my synopsis.”
Truth: Saturday is Outlander day. Don’t !@#! with Outlander day.
Who wants to sign my Keep Jamie Kiltless petition?
*Today’s confession brought to you by Kathryn’s muse, once again in the driver’s seat and promising a wild ride. Buckle up!
Video coutesy of Starz.com