Hi everyone, Maggie here, Mom is indisposed so I’m handling today’s post.
And by indisposed, I mean Captain Estrogen underestimated the bounce-back capabilities of a 45-year-old body at the gym yesterday. Heavy bag training sounds fun until you’re packing your arthritic joints with enough frozen vegetable medley to feed greater Manhattan – never eat peas at our house, they’ve been in bad places.
Anyhow, since Mom’s in a muscle-relaxer haze, you get me, and I’ve chosen to bend your ear about something we overheard at the dog park. Here’s how it went down:
Husband: My mom’s so lonely; we should get her a dog!
Wife: Oh, she’d love that!
Husband: Think of how much more exercise she would get. Her physical therapist would be thrilled. A dog is good company; she loves Gizmo! (His randy and CLEARLY intact Boxer – talk about low hanging fruit!)
Wife: Let’s get her one for Christmas, maybe another Boxer! She’ll be so surprised!
Husband: I’ll help train it – Giz was easy and he’s so obedient. (Giz knocked over a bystander and violated a tree stump in the time it took him to finish this sentence.)
OK, let’s break this down like one of those reading comprehension exercises in grammar school. Other than the couple being the result of inbreeding, how many problems can you spot in this conversation? The answer is too many.
Pets are family, not gifts and NEVER surprises. Imagine if your husband/wife/SO surprised you with a new family member under the tree. “Merry Christmas, sweetie! This is Erwin. I met him on the subway selling pennies to his imaginary friend Satan and he’s going to live with us now. He’s almost housebroken! Isn’t that great!”
Yeah, no, and I guarantee that’s exactly how this poor woman will feel when Dumb and Dumber surprise her with a dog.
And when Fido steals the fruitcake and sprints for parts unknown, you can bet Dumb and Dumber won’t stick around for the after effects. A 3:00AM diarrhea run does not mix well with 80-year-old bionic-hips and snowy sidewalks.
Remember, pets are family, not Fiestaware wrapped and ready for holiday delivery. We start out cute and cuddly…
But unless you’re prepared for chaos (and lots of love)…
Buy a fish. Fish are flushable.